Recently a friend from way back got in touch to invite me to dinner. It was such a nice feeling to be contacted after 30 years and I eagerly accepted the invitation. The day came when I was due to drive over to their house and BOOM a feeling of 'how can I politely get out of it?' came over me. Not because I wasn't looking forward to catching up. Not because I was fearful about whether we'd still have things in common. The main reason was 'Can I keep up with the conversation?' - 'will I be too tired to be a fun dinner guest?'
The defense mechanism that kicked in to prevent the awkwardness of having to ask someone to repeat themselves several times and reduce the tiredness caused by concentrating too hard was trying to persuade me to cancel. This internal message was trying to ruin a good night out.
Thankfully I ignored the negative feelings and having packed a bottle of wine as a thank you gesture to my hosts, I duly drove over to their beautiful house. Yes I was still a bit nervous but was excited about meeting up after such a long time. Upon arrival it was clear that this was going to be a fun night. My host met me as if it was only a few months since we'd met and warmly invited me in. Having warned my hosts that I may occasionally ask them to repeat themselves they ensured that they made some small allowances which meant that we were all able to relax. Many stories were resurrected and a thoroughly enjoyable evening led to plans to meet up again to resurrect a few more.
I wish I could say that I ignore the defense mechanism every time it hits and advise that the frequency of it hitting is reducing. Circumstances however have meant that the frequency is increasing. Barriers are easily pounced upon and often it's easier to use spurious reasons to not do something rather than take time to discount them as being absurd at times. A fellow hearing loss sufferer gave some valuable wisdom. She advised that people invite you because they enjoy your company. They are less likely to stop inviting you if you turn up for a short period (a period that is comfortable to you) rather than consistently excuse yourself from attending altogether. Getting out and socialising whilst at times is very tiring has many positive effects on our physical and mental wellbeing. The key is finding a happy balance to ensure that the experience is fun rather than being an endurance.
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